Feline Shui

I've been reading lately about all the ways to bring calm and serenity into my life.  Of course, there is the popular practice of feng shui.  There are thousands of tv shows, books, and websites that talk about decluttering, the advantages of meditation, the Japanese art of minimalist living.  Looking through all this information makes my head feel like I am going to pop a blood vessel.

Until I realized I don't need to do research.  I have the perfect example to follow in my own home.  In order to bring a sense of peace and joy into my life, I simply have to act like my cats.

When you are a cat, why even worry about piles of clothing, books, etc. on the floor?  This provides a the perfect obstacle course with which you can race around at 3:00 a.m. in typical feline fashion.  Family complaining about clutter on the counters?  No problem.  With a look of utter disdain on your face, simply stare unflinchingly at that family member, and with one swipe, knock everything onto the floor.

Why bother cleaning?  From your feline perspective, life is too short to worry about such mundane pursuits.  Planning? What for? Simply depend on everyone else to feed you, serve you, pick up after you and entertain you by shining a little red light on the floors and walls every once in a while.

So what if they are annoyed? Respond by even more annoying.  Keep them on their toes, literally, by weaving in and out of their legs while they are standing and force them to do a silly little balancing dance when they inadvertently trip over you. Unnerve them by staring at them unflinchingly for hours.  And for the person who is most frustrated with you, slink silently over to them and plop yourself into their lap.

When they become immune to your tactics, up the ante.  Stand in front of a door screaming to go out.  When they open the door, walk away with complete disinterest.  Develop a sudden, inexplicable fear of the blender. If they give you a present, ignore the gift itself but demonstrate a complete infatuation with the wrapping paper and box.


But I think the best thing about imitating my feline companions would be the ability to just live in the moment.  Drop everything you are doing just to take a bath (preferably not in front of other people).  Insert yourself into a plate of syrup that your son leaves on the kitchen table (actual cat experience in my house) just because you can. And, most importantly of all, spend 14 to 16 hours of every day napping.

If anyone needs me, I'll be hiding under the bed from the vacuum.

Make Facebook Fun Again

In the past two years, I have learned an awful lot about myself.

I have learned that my opinions are ignorant and stupid. If I do not support a certain agenda, I have no class and no morals.

I have learned that I am not worthy of associating with certain people because my beliefs are not exactly like their own.

I have learned that I am un-American because I criticize my government.  And I thought that the First Amendment guaranteed my right to speak out against those in power. Silly me.

And I have learned all of this courtesy of my Facebook "friends."

This is not to say that everyone on my list of Facebook associates engages in these mind-boggling behaviors.  In fact, it is only a small percentage.  But it seems as though the posts from this small group were the ones appearing in my newsfeed most frequently.

I can't figure out what inspires so-called intelligent people to behave in this manner.  I have decided that they either: A) Have a pathological need for attention; or B) are so insecure in their own beliefs that they need to denigrate the opinions of others to prove their superiority.  I suspect it is the latter.  Playground bullies behave in the exact same manner.

It would certainly be easy to unfriend these people.  But I do not want to do that for two reasons.  First of all, everyone is entitled to their opinion.  If I were to block them based solely on the fact that I do not agree with their political opinions, I am behaving no better than they are.

Secondly, I friended these people in the first place because I genuinely like them.  I do not accept friend requests simply because having 1,200 friends would look impressive.  I have nowhere near that number.  If you and I connect on social media, it is because I admire you as a person.  You are here because I know you, and I like you.

You're welcome.

I might not like their approach to politics, but these people may be an animal lover and are staunch supporters of prosecuting animal abusers.  Perhaps they are great cooks and post terrific recipes.  Or they may be family, whom I have to like.

All kidding aside, I want to see the good things that these people post without having to be insulted on a daily basis.  Fortunately, Facebook has a way to make this possible.

Therefore I am initiating a campaign to Make Facebook Fun Again.  And you can do it in a few simple steps.

I began to notice that most of these insults start flying when they share posts from other sites. There is little you can do about a general rant, but if it results mainly from obnoxious posts they share from others, you can keep them from appearing on your wall.

Say one of your friends posts something on their wall claiming that Obama's Kenyan birth certificate is hidden in the basement of a Washington, DC pizza parlor that is a cover for a sex ring run by Stormy Daniels and Rush Limbaugh.   And if you don't believe Obama is really a Kenyan operative placed in the White House as a Manchurian candidate by Al Qaeda, you are a communist and (the ultimate insult) A LIBERAL who will soon be indicted for hiding Hillary's missing emails, which you apparently shredded in the said pizza parlor and disposed of by passing them off as a mozzarella cheese substitute.  And by the way, you're stupid.

At the top of this friendly little post, there will be something like this: "Joe Schmo shared a post from Americans Standing Too Close To Microwaves and Losing Brain Cells." To the right of this, you will see three little dots.

By clicking on these three little dots, Facebook gives you several options.  You can save or hide this particular post.  You can snooze Americans Standing Too Close to Microwaves or snooze Joe Schmo for 30 days.  You can unfollow Joe Schmo, or hide all from the post's originator.  By clicking on "Hide all from Americans Standing Too Close To Microwaves," you will never see a post from that particular organization again even if your friends continually share them.

By choosing the last option, you are not only saving your sanity, but you will no doubt be doing your part to cut down on the spread of misinformation by troll sites. People who tend to spread these posts are generally too busy believing in anything that backs up their own biases to bother checking for truth or accuracy. And everyone knows that pizza parlor is actually in Hoboken, NJ.

I started doing this on a regular basis, and a surprising thing happened.  My newsfeed suddenly got happy.  I started seeing posts from people who had been missing on my Facebook feed for months.  I saw more funny cat videos and fewer posts telling me what a horrible person I must be. Rather than seeing the worst of my friends, I began seeing the best of them again.

And I don't block all political posts.  I don't mind knowing that my friends support a particular candidate or political viewpoint.  But when you have to insult others to make a point, don't assume that I, or anyone else, has to put up with it. Do it often enough and you will only be preaching to an ignorant and narrow-minded party of one.

Social media should be bringing out the best in us.  Not the worst.  Consider that you are posting this to people who are supposed to be your friends.  That should mean more to you than proving the superiority of your opinion.  And trust me when I tell you that insults do not make you seem superior. They make you look petty, immature and small.

Make Facebook Fun Again, people. I miss the days when the most controversial posts I saw were kids eating Tide pods.  Let's make Facebook a better place by going back to sharing pictures of our kids, dogs and vacations ad nauseam. The world will be a better place when we can once again return to watching cats stuff themselves in tiny boxes and see Grandpa lip sync to "Gangsta's Paradise."

Spread insights into your life.  Not insults to your friends.

When Old Eyes Are Straining

It began in my late forties.  I started noticing that book publishers were putting out books with much smaller type.  Then product manufacturers began doing it with labels.  The publishers of sheet music soon followed.

For some unexplained reason, they all began using smaller print.

It was like some vast conspiracy was overtaking this country.  All of a sudden, I could not read a newspaper unless my husband held it up across the table.  Menus looked like they were all written in very tiny Chinese characters.  And the instructions on prescription bottles could not be deciphered unless you were a flea.

That is unless you put on a pair of glasses.

Seemingly overnight, I had old eyes.

One of my favorite humor writers, Dave Barry, described when he first noticed the phenomenon in his book Dave Barry Turns 50:

At first, I thought it had nothing to do with me--that for some reason, possibly to save ink, the restaurants had started printing their menus in letters the height of bacteria; all I could see was little blurs.  But for some reason, everybody else seemed to be able to read the menus.  Not wishing to draw attention to myself, I started ordering my food by simply pointing to a likely looking blur.
 
ME (pointing to a blur): I'll have this.
WAITER: You'll have "We Do Not Accept Personal Checks"?
ME: Make that medium rare.

I had worn glasses for years when I was working on my laptop.  But all of a sudden, I had to wear them to read the clock on the wall.  So I bought a pair of those reading glasses they sell in drug stores to keep in the bedroom where I do a lot of reading so that the prescription pair could remain in my home office. And the packaging on those glasses may have well included the words "Welcome to Old Age." In a very large, bold typeface.

 Then I needed a stronger prescription pair following my next eye exam. I now have a pair of reading glasses in almost every room of the house since I can no longer thread a needle without the aid of a microscope.

There is a commercial where a couple is in a restaurant trying to order off a menu.  They tell the waiter they are not ready because they forgot their reading glasses and cannot read the selections.  The waiter then proceeds to bring them menus the size of a mini-fridge. I think all restaurants should have these available.

Either that or they should keep a basket of magnifying glasses in the center of the table for their middle-aged patrons with their ever-shrinking eyesight.  Or they can go the route of book publishers, who now offer a vast selection of large-print books, and offer us large print menus.  Otherwise, we can just ask the patrons on the other side of the restaurant to hold up the menu so that we can read it.

Rather than lament my aging eyes, I try to remember all the awesome movie and literary characters who wear glasses.  Harry Potter wears them.  Andrew Garfield wore them when he played Peter Parker in The Amazing Spider-man, and he got to swing around a city on webs and use his Spidey-sense to catch bad guys.  Harold Ramis in Ghostbusters and Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting were both bespeckled when they played professors, so wearing glasses obviously means you are smart.  Then again, Peter Griffin in Family Guy also wears glasses.  So much for that argument.

I choose to believe that wearing reading glasses makes me look intelligent, distinguished and important.  After all, Superman wore them when he was Clark Kent.  But as Dave Barry points out, "He takes off his glasses and becomes Superman; you put on your reading glasses and become...Old Person"

Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot

I, like many women my age, have been riding the happy hormonal roller coaster of THE CHANGE (cue ominous music) over the past few years. What no one tells you, however, is that your family members are forced to get on the coaster with you. And there is no amount of Dramamine that will cure the motion sickness of this up and down, multi-looping, gut-wrenching ride.

To all the gentlemen who have clicked on this and are about to think, "Oh, hell, no!" and switch over to YouTube or ESPN.com, bear with me.  This applies to you, too.

Menopause is in many ways like pregnancy.  Your body temperature changes.  Your clothes don't fit.  Your moods swing more often than a pendulum.  Only you don't get a bouncing bundle of joy as a reward for surviving it.  What you do get is clothes that still don't fit, the feeling that you are constantly in a state of PMS, and family members who think you are losing your mind.

I've had symptoms for the past few years, but they came on in full force this January.  I wake up in the middle of the night throwing off blankets, then wake up again about 30 minutes later because I am freezing.  I feel like crying over mundane things, one minute, then the next go on my merry way as if nothing has happened.  Half of what is in my closet does not fit correctly.

I began doing some research and trying some herbs that seemed to work for other women.  And, not wanting my family to contact mental health professionals, I tried my best to go on as normal.  And my family played along not wanting to release the hormonal she-beast lurking just beneath the surface. Everyone tried to act as though all was well.

But the truth was they were all on my nerves.  My husband was on my nerves.  My kids were on my nerves.  Even the dog was on my nerves.  My son would come in asking what was for dinner, and I would respond with whatever was on the menu for that night.  But in the back of my mind, I was thinking, "I don't want to have dinner with you people.  I want to have dinner by myself.  In a cave on the highest peak of Mount Everest only accessible to mountain goats." And by "dinner," I meant a five-pound box of chocolates and a bottle of anything that contained the word "alcohol" in the ingredients.

We all react differently to the magical world of menopause.  Some, like myself, could often fake it.  Others not so much.  I know a woman who got into an argument with her husband when he accused her of exaggerating her symptoms.  She responded by throwing a bunch of broccoli at his head.  Of course, it was better than throwing the knife that was in her other hand at the time.

She has my sympathy.  Been there, sister.

There are plenty of books and websites with advice for those going through menopause.  But I saw very little that offered guidance for the loved ones of hormone-ravaged women like myself.  Therefore, I would like to offer the following suggestions to those who are forced along on this hot-flashing, crying-jagging, Dr.Jekyll-and-Mrs. Hyde of a journey:

• If your significant other says, "It's hot in here," don't argue with her.  Shut your pie-hole and turn down the damn thermostat.

• When she is complaining about how miserable her symptoms make her feel, do not respond with "Well, at least you're not..." then launch into a litany of your own complaints.  Your one and only safe response to this is, "Here, have a glass of wine."

• When she opens yet another gallon of ice cream do not ask her, "Do you really need that?"  Ask her if she wants a glass of wine to go with it.

• If she asks if her outfit makes her look fat or if it appears she is gaining weight, DO NOT AGREE!!! Respond with, "That damned dryer is shrinking everything again!"

• When you have absolutely no idea how to respond to her moods, complaints or quirks, return to your safety mode, which is the phrase, "Here, have a glass of wine."

The good news for all of us that go through menopause, and those loved ones who are dragged along helplessly with us, is that it does not last forever.  I am almost to the point where I can wear sweaters again.  And the desire to throw cruciferous vegetables at the heads of family members is lessening.

So, to all my friends who are in the same hot, hormonal boat, and to those who love them, I say, have faith.  This, too, shall pass.

And don't worry, ladies.  We're still hot.  It just comes in flashes now.

The First Amendment Has Its Protections--and Its Consequences

An uproar occurred recently over Roseanne Barr's tweet where she referred to former Obama aide Valerie Jarrett as a product of parents who were apparently not only Muslims but emigrated from the Planet of the Apes.  Although she apologized to Jarrett and all those she offended by her remark, ABC made the decision to cancel her show.  This led to an additional uproar of her supporters claiming her First Amendment right had been violated.  But had it?

The First Amendment, in its entirety, states: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

What that essentially says is that the government cannot arrest or prosecute you for practicing religion, assembling peacefully, or speaking your mind. What it does not say is that there will be no consequences for your words or actions.

Certainly, anyone has the right to voice their opinion.  But if that opinion is demeaning or offensive to many others, the First Amendment does not protect you from any political, social or financial consequences that may result.  Anyone has the right to be offensive, but that does not mean that the rest of us need to put up with it.

And that is exactly what ABC was saying when it made the decision to cancel her popular show.  But that decision could not have been an easy one.

By reviving Roseanne, ABC recognized a niche in the market.  Donald Trump rose to the presidency because of a sense of disenfranchisement felt by many Americans toward its government.  And that sense of disconnect has now extended to Hollywood. In its heyday, Rosanne and the Connor family presented the everyday struggles of a middle-class family that reflected what many Americans live through on a daily basis. Clearly, the market that made the show a hit in the first place still existed.

Did it ever. The show averaged around 10 million viewers per episode.  And the advertisers were paying attention.

The problem is the advertisers were also paying attention when Barr sent out a racist tweet.  It was only a matter of time before the network saw a backlash not only from viewers but advertisers as well.  If anything was learned with the mass exodus of advertisers from Fox News programs due to the controversial statements and behaviors of their show hosts, it is that advertising money speaks louder than ratings.

Immediately, the cries of injustice were heard throughout the country, including calls to boycott ABC and questions as to why Bill Maher, the host of Real Time on HBO, has been able to continue despite his offensive statements, and calls for cancellation of ABC's The View because of the anti-Trump sentiment the show regularly addresses.

First of all, let me state that I have no respect for Bill Maher or anyone who refers to any woman by the "c-word."  The difference, however, is that Bill Maher is on a cable show which can only be viewed by subscribers.  He is not in a prime-time spot on a major network.  And being that HBO is a subscription channel, they have no advertisers to which they must answer.

Secondly, The View is a talk show which touches on many issues, including political.  And as far as I know, none of them have ever made a racially-charged statement.  I am sure, however, that if any of the women on that show were to refer to a person of color as a Muslim ape, they too would immediately get the boot. I used to be a viewer (although I have not watched the show in years) and never once heard a racist slur directed at anyone.  They are anti-Trump, but unless the president has somehow found a way to cancel out the First Amendment, their right to speak out against him is protected by the constitution.

 I also find it interesting that many who find The View offensive have no problem devoting blind loyalty to a man who openly mocks the handicapped, brags about grabbing women by a certain part of their anatomy, and declares that "really great people" willingly participate in rallies alongside neo-nazis, white nationalists and KKK members. And when violence or even death is inflicted upon those who oppose their hateful messages, well, they brought it upon themselves.

Even the Supreme Court has declared that not all speech is protected.  The court has ruled on several occasions that First Amendment rights are not absolute.  Examples of what the courts have left unprotected include:

• Speech that incites illegal activity or imminent violence
• Defamation and libel
• Obscenity
• Threats and intimidation
• False advertising

I believe ABC had no choice but to cancel Rosanne given the backlash they were facing.  That does not mean I am happy to see it go.  I was a fan of the show and watched it since the beginning (although they lost me when they won the lottery near the end of the show's original run) and enjoyed the series' revival.  I had reservations at first given Rosanne Barr's fondness for Trump that the show would focus on that issue, but that was not the case.  It was a show about a family which, like many Americans, was one medical emergency, job layoff or household disaster away from financial catastrophe.  It was as relevant today as it was back in the 1990s.

Perhaps we should all take a lesson from Rosanne.  Even freedom of speech comes at a price.  Be careful what you say lest you pay a penalty for your words. The cost could be devastating.

Hatriots Rising

There is a new brand of patriotism sweeping this country.  But if you think this new brand of patriotism is all about love of country, you would be sadly mistaken.  This particular love of country involves hating those Americans whose religion, sexual orientation, skin color, and, most importantly, political beliefs differ from their own.

Hatriotism--according to the website Urbandictionary.com--means proving your patriotism by hating someone just because a government, politician, or a self-appointed artbiter of social or moral issues deems it appropriate.  A person on either side of the political fence can certainly be a hatriot, but the term generally applies to staunch right-wing supporters who believe anyone who is non-white, non-Christian or non-heterosexual to be, well, a force of evil.

They hate Muslims because every one of them is obviously a terrorist, regardless of the fact that many have lived in this country for decades and have assimilated themselves into mainstream communities, are respected business owners and effective community leaders.  They dislike women who join the Me Too or Time's Up movements because they are trying to discredit respectable men.  They especially dislike the women who participate in the Women's Marches because, even though the goal of the marches are to bring attention to issues that women around the world still struggle to overcome, they see it as an international referendum on the Donald Trump presidency.

They dislike minorities because they see them as lazy and a drain on the nation's entitlement programs, even though 40 percent of SNAP recipients are white compared to 26 percent African American, 10 percent Hispanic, 2 percent Asian and 1 percent Native American, according to Newsweek.    They hate immigrants, legal or illegal, because they believe that they come to this country simply to obtain welfare, even though U.S. law dictates that any person receiving any entitlements must, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, have proof of U.S. citizenship.

But in the last year or so, the definition of  hatriot is expanding to include a much wider category.  This includes those who supposedly do not show enough respect for the flag, military or the national anthem, those who believe differently from our own views, and--most of all--those who do not support Donald Trump.

Hatriotism is a favorite tool of radio pundits, most notably those on the far right.  And although its very definition may seem incompatible with Christian ideals, it has been used for the last two decades to make powerful gains among evangelical Christians.  Evangelism has become almost synonymous with conservative politics, so much so that, at times, it is difficult to see where one begins and the other ends.

It seems ironic that the very group that shuns drinking, dancing and even R-rated movies will happily look the other way when a pundit such as Rush Limbaugh uses vulgar language or promotes misogyny or racism.  They justify it by claiming that if  he "speaks the truth," what does it matter how it is delivered? As a lifelong Christian, it seems to me a slap in the face to all that Christianity is supposed to represent. But it is an outlet that some politicians have been eager to exploit, and never has it been more evident than in the last presidential election.

And is getting bigger.  And louder.  In the Huffington Post column, "The Politics of Hate", Dr. Dustin Swanger, president of Fulton-Montgomery Community College, describes how the hatred has found a willing audience in today's political climate and a poster boy under Donald Trump. "It seems that we have more than a few — well, let’s call them leaders — who are fanning the fires of hatred for one cause or another. Using tactics like yelling your message loudly — because if you’re loud, you must be right or pointing a finger at a group of people and telling us (loudly) that they are the cause of trouble and we should put them in their place. Encouraging violence among crowds to settle disputes or to make a point is becoming the norm in our country."

And this behavior did not stop on the campaign trail.  His unwillingness to put a stop to the hate politics that helped him get elected was never more evident than when  a protester was killed at at a white nationalist rally in Charlotte, NC last year by a known member of the Alt-Right movement. When Trump initially gave a statement, rather than condemn the white supremacy movement in the United States, he declared that there were "really great people" on both sides of the protest and practically blamed the anti-hate marchers for starting the entire incident.  He later issued a statement condemning hate groups such as the KKK, neo-Nazis and Alt-Right, but not before these groups erupted in euphoria on social media at what they perceived as his initial support for their actions.  

What is most frightening, according to Swanger, is how readily a large proportion of the population responded to  these tactics and happily elected one of the  biggest perpetrators of hatriotism to the highest office of this country.  Trump declared all Mexicans to be rapists, advocated physical violence to protesters at his rallies, and pretty much summed up his policy toward women with his "grab 'em by the pussy" statement.  All this was did was earn him the adoration of millions of voters to the point where he could have, as Trump himself so eloquently put it, killed someone and he would still get the votes of this segment of the population.  And why?

Quite simply, they are angry.  "They are mad at the government. They are mad at the police. They are mad at the wealthy. They are mad at each other. They are just plain mad. It is easy to whip mad folks into a tither with the tactics discussed earlier. Hate and anger are strong emotions. They are forceful motivators. And, for many, whether they are right is of little consequence," said Swanger.

Regardless of the fact that this misled segment of the American public believes they have a right to embrace hate,  it needs to stop. If history has taught us anything, it is that this sort of behavior in a civilized society will lead to its destruction.  Throughout history, from Rome to the Third Reich, societies that embrace animosity and violence will eventually self-destruct.

But the solution will not be an easy one.  It will require people of character, those who oppose hateful narrative and reject bigotry and misogyny, to stand up against it. Our leaders can no longer simply tow the party line but must speak out against beastly behavior and derogatory comments toward marginalized groups, even if it means speaking out against those in their own party.  And we the people must elect leaders of integrity to our highest offices as well, not just bullies and egomaniacs who "speak their mind."

Most people I know are appalled by the rise of the "hatriots."  And I am calling on all of you who oppose the divisive rhetoric, insulting tweets, childish name-calling and overall immature behavior of our so-called "leaders" who cater to the ignorance of these haters to speak with both your voices and your votes in upcoming elections.  If history also teaches us anything, it is that good and right will eventually prevail.  But the battle may be a costly one, and it will not be easy.

It entails putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable to the haters.  Since early last year, I decided to be as neutral as I could regarding political issues on my own social media sites so as not to offend family or friends.  But recent events and the continued decline of civility and decency from my fellow citizens has showed me I can be silent no more.

As Dr. Swanger points out, "In a country as wealthy as the United States to leave so many of our people uneducated, so easily led down a path of violence, is not worthy of our history, of our founding fathers, and of our people."  Let's take a lesson from other so-called great societies that fell prey to their own propensity for violence and hateful rhetoric.  Before the United States of America is no more than a lesson in the history books.