Feline Shui

I've been reading lately about all the ways to bring calm and serenity into my life.  Of course, there is the popular practice of feng shui.  There are thousands of tv shows, books, and websites that talk about decluttering, the advantages of meditation, the Japanese art of minimalist living.  Looking through all this information makes my head feel like I am going to pop a blood vessel.

Until I realized I don't need to do research.  I have the perfect example to follow in my own home.  In order to bring a sense of peace and joy into my life, I simply have to act like my cats.

When you are a cat, why even worry about piles of clothing, books, etc. on the floor?  This provides a the perfect obstacle course with which you can race around at 3:00 a.m. in typical feline fashion.  Family complaining about clutter on the counters?  No problem.  With a look of utter disdain on your face, simply stare unflinchingly at that family member, and with one swipe, knock everything onto the floor.

Why bother cleaning?  From your feline perspective, life is too short to worry about such mundane pursuits.  Planning? What for? Simply depend on everyone else to feed you, serve you, pick up after you and entertain you by shining a little red light on the floors and walls every once in a while.

So what if they are annoyed? Respond by even more annoying.  Keep them on their toes, literally, by weaving in and out of their legs while they are standing and force them to do a silly little balancing dance when they inadvertently trip over you. Unnerve them by staring at them unflinchingly for hours.  And for the person who is most frustrated with you, slink silently over to them and plop yourself into their lap.

When they become immune to your tactics, up the ante.  Stand in front of a door screaming to go out.  When they open the door, walk away with complete disinterest.  Develop a sudden, inexplicable fear of the blender. If they give you a present, ignore the gift itself but demonstrate a complete infatuation with the wrapping paper and box.


But I think the best thing about imitating my feline companions would be the ability to just live in the moment.  Drop everything you are doing just to take a bath (preferably not in front of other people).  Insert yourself into a plate of syrup that your son leaves on the kitchen table (actual cat experience in my house) just because you can. And, most importantly of all, spend 14 to 16 hours of every day napping.

If anyone needs me, I'll be hiding under the bed from the vacuum.