Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Deck the Halls and All That Nonsense

The holiday season is upon us, which means Christmas carols on the radio, Salvation Army bell-ringers outside department stores, and a stress accumulation powerful enough to launch the space shuttle into orbit.

Before you embark on a mad dash to Toys R Us and beat a fellow shopper senseless in a battle over the last Tickle Me Elmo, Brats doll other "hot toy" of the season, please take this survey to determine your stress level.

1. When I think of the holidays, I want to:
A. Cut down a live tree and sing Christmas Carols around a blazing fire
B. Count down the days until January
C. Strangle someone with a bough of holly

2. The line “a partridge in a pear tree” reminds me of
A. A song about the joy of giving during the holiday season
B. Some Christmas song that doesn’t make sense
C. Stuffed poultry served with a side of glazed fruit

3. Christmas shopping means
A. Enjoying the hustle and bustle of the holiday season
B. Going on the internet and avoiding all of those holiday lunatics
C. Resisting the urge to “go postal” in a local mall

4. You see a picture of oranges decorated with cloves in a magazine and think
A. They would make a lovely Christmas centerpiece
B. Some people have way too much time on their hands during the holidays
C. They would be something nice and squishy to lob at Christmas carolers when they ring your doorbell

Add up your score as follows: Each A - 3 points, each B - 2 points, and each C - 1 point each. Score yourself as follows:

10 to12 points - Martha Stewart loves you
7 to 9 points - Who spit in your eggnog?
4 to 6 points - Jacob Marley and Associates would like to schedule a conference with you around midnight, Mr. Scrooge

Now print out a copy of this survey, tear it into timy pieces, set it on fire and dance around it. Trust me, it will do wonders for your stress level.

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