Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The Male Brain--How Does It Work, and Does It Even Exist?

In my 40-plus years on this earth, I'd like to think I have learned a thing or two along the way. Yesterday, I had a revelation.

Men are idiots.

We may have many great men in our lives. We may be married to a great guy. We may love men to death. This, however, does not disguise the fact that they act really, really stupid sometimes.

My husband is one of these really nice men. He is a good provider and an overall nice guy. However, he is a little selfish about leisure time. He makes sure he gets in a couple of hunting trips and three to five golf weekends every year. I, on the other hand, have not had a vacation or a weekend away with friends in over three years. Understandably, I find this inequality in leisure time a bit unfair.

He recently told me I had no reason to be upset. He claims that the two pilates classes I attend every week and the church choir practice I go to every Thursday evening are equivalent to his golf outings and hunting trips.

Now, how practicing hymns and sweating like a pig for 45 minutes are equivalent to drinking beer, playing cards, lounging around in clubhouses and chasing a little ball around on the grass, I have not yet figured out. But in the male mind, time out of the house is time off regardless of what you are doing. I suppose we should add the weekly trips to the grocery store into that leisure time total.

I know for a fact that no amount of reasoning is going to convince him otherwise. Once he gets an idea in his head, it sticks like gum to the bottom of your shoe. Yesterday, for example, he came home and wanted to know when I was going to get a full-time job. Now, the plan was for me to work part-time until both of our children are in high school. Since my son is only in the fifth grade, this is not an option I am considering for another three years.

I do, however, keep an eye on the classifieds and on-line job posting sites just in case something spectacular comes along. The economy being what it is, the only things offered lately are third shift caretaker jobs in nursing homes and something called "customer relations in our polution control department." I'm not sure I even want to speculate what that job entails.

That explanation was not good enough. He accused me of changing our game plan(?) and said that he is tired of working all these hours. He said I will just have to get another job and "adjust my expectations" as far as the housework goes. Translation: You go to work full time too, and when we come home I'll lounge around the house like I do now every evening and watch you work some more! Sounds like a marriage made in heaven.

I did tell him that if he is so desperate for me to get a better paying job, there are a few street corners in Detroit that I could probably work and make a bundle. He did not say anything. I am not sure if that is good or bad.

And so, the complex workings of the male mind continue to puzzle and amaze us. Perhaps amuse us would be a better word. If I were not married to this guy, I would find these musings and explanations downright funny. Since I am married to him, I am just plain annoyed.

See you on the street corner!

1 comment:

JGA said...

Not wanting to get involved in family matters; I am using this opportunity to vent on some of the women I work with in a seasonal job.
Most of them report to work and spend the first 1/2 hour or so talking about everything but their job.
Most can't stand each other and talk about each other; but, when it is time for a smoke break - off they go out together for a break.
Whatever happened to getting your job done, avoiding the people you dislike, and not leave the extra work to the guy(s)?
The one thing about the Postal Service was that you came into work, put your mail up, and left for the street to deliver it.
Letter carriers, men and women, did not have time for gossip, smoke breaks or stabbing each other in the back.
Now we know why someone wrote a book - "Men Are From Mars" and Women Are From Venus".